But this weekend, I found a wedding band. A band that I think would be absolutely perfect for the reception. Fun and different, the kind of music that might even inspire me to get up and dance.

And they're from Malta.

Damn it.

Ian and I went to a Malta Day celebration banquet with a Maltese friend of mine and her family, and the band were playing there. Now, they do gigs in the UK, but I don't think I'm going to have a particularly expensive wedding, so flying 14 guys over from Malta seems like a bit of a stretch. I'm pretty sure the cost of the band should not make up 90% of your wedding budget.

But at least it was a fun night. And hey, we could always just go get married in Malta, and then this wouldn't be an issue!

So he can walk! And he can still bathe! And he's even allowed to start driving again when he feel comfortable! And his doctor signed him out of work for another month, telling him that he should go back when he feels comfortable making the commute! And this is all very exciting!

It's also very good timing, considering my parents are showing up next week for a two week holiday, and we're taking them to the Cotswolds (which involves driving) and to Scotland (which involves flying) and this was all going to be a bit of a pain if Ian was still stuck on crutches or in a cast. But now that isn't a worry. All he's got to do in focus on easing himself into walking, and getting comfortable on his own two feet again.

Hooray!

My brain is currently in that situation.

When someone close to you dies, you know how to feel. You feel sad. End of story. True, you don't feel sad 100% of the time, and the sadness eventually fades, but you feel sad.

When someone important to someone close to you dies, you feel sad for them. True, you may not have been close to, or even known, the person who has died, but you see how sad the person close to you feels and you feel sad for them. And you do your best to help them through it.

But what happens when someone important to someone close to you dies, and not only were you not close to the person, but you actively disliked them? And they actively disliked you? What if that person ruined your relationship with the person you were close to, and with almost every other person they were close to as well?

What if you're kind of happy they died? What if you think they kind of deserved it? What if you're so angry about how much they screwed up the life of the person close to you that you'd actually often wished they'd drop dead? How do you feel then?

But what about the person close to you, who has not only lost this person, but thanks to years of letting this person run their life, is now almost entirely alone? This person who doesn't have any friends of their own anymore, who doesn't speak to what little family they have anymore...and who is suddenly back in your life. What do you do for them? What is your responsibility to them?

How are you supposed to feel?

But I have a complaint. And it's about the Republicans. By which I mean the Republican party and the tone of their campaign. By which I do not mean people who may make the informed choice to vote for John McCain on election day. Again, totally your choice.

So, Republican party...could you do me a few favors?

Could you please, for the love of all things holy, quit treating liberal as a dirty word?

Could you please quit acting like the fact that I personally don't agree with teaching creationism in public schools means that I want to flatten your church and burn all your bibles?

Could you please refrain from implying that my belief in a woman's right to choose means I want to force any unmarried woman that gets pregnant to have an abortion?

Could you please quit pretending that the fact that I don't agree with the reasons we went to war means I hate soldiers, hate our country, and want to abandon the Iraqis to all out civil war?

Could you accept the fact that I don't think off shore drilling is the solution to our energy problems without implying that I want the terrorists to win?

Could you please acknowledge that just because I plan on voting for Obama does not mean I want to force you to drive a Volvo, drink Starbucks coffee, eat arugula, get a liberal arts degree, marry a lesbian, recycle, take the bus, join the Peace Corps, read Al Franken books, watch Michael Moore movies, move to the East/West coast, vacation in Europe, donate money to the World Wildlife Fund, or whatever else it is you think we liberals do?

There's a difference between political platforms and sensationalism. There's a difference between telling people what your views are and distorting what the other guys views are. There's a difference between giving people a choice and preying on their fears.

Just tell the truth. There are people that agree with you. A lot of them. Admittedly, I'm not one of them, but there are literally millions of them out there. And they're good people. Better than I think you've been giving them credit for. And you might even just manage to get elected without making us all scared of each other in the process. You might get elected without making half the country angry. You might just make it so we can all work together to try to make things...you know...better.

Liberating thought, isn't it?

Yeah, this hasn't been one of those summers.

Work has been...very very bad. Very very bad. But, following the commandment of "Thou shalt not blog about work if you want to continue being employed" I will leave it at that.

And in June, I turned 30. Not that I was that bothered about turning 30, but it's another thing that happened. To celebrate, I took a trip to Iceland. Because I've always wanted to go, but it's expensive, but since it was my birthday Ian would be paying. Win-win right?

Until day 2 of the trip, when Ian fell into a crack in a glacier and broke his leg.

Nope, not kidding.

So Ian's lying on the ice for an hour, waiting for mountain rescue. Luckily we were near the bottom, so they didn't have to carry him that far. Then 2 hours in an ambulance back to Reykjavik, 4 hours in surgery, 2 more days in the hospital, and an extra 5 days in Iceland because he wasn't allowed to fly. Plus a few unplanned souvenirs from our trip (namely the titanium rod that runs from his knee to his ankle inside his shin bone, and the 7 screws that hold it in place). Honestly, if he wanted to distract me from my birthday, there were easier ways.

Three months on and he's still on crutches. Though he is allowed to put some weight on the leg now, so he's getting around a bit easier.

Then our landlord decided to sell our house. Which would be an annoyance under normal circumstances, but when one of us has a broken leg, the other one can't drive, and we have two illegal cats in the place that we'd need to get out any time someone wanted to see it...it becomes more of an issue. Luckily the housing market is crap here at the moment, and after a single visit he seems to have decided to hold off selling it.

And we're supposed to be moving. Soon. Like in 6 weeks. But we don't know where we're moving, and we don't know exactly where we're going. Which means we can't find a new place or hire movers or make plans or let our current jobs know what's happening. Plus I have to reapply for my Visa which means being without my passport for up to 4 months. So I'm stuck in the UK, whether I want to be or not.

All of this should equal one terribly upset Kerry. A Kerry unable to get out of bed, getting behind on all of her chores, never leaving the house, and generally going a bit insane. But I'm not.

Instead, I've been working shorter hours because I have a good excuse, I've been sleeping in when I need to without worrying about it, I've been cooking all kinds of different things through the week, I've been spending time relaxing with Ian, and I've been doing things when I get around to them, and I've been letting things slide if they can (things like blogging, for example!).

I won't try to say I haven't been a bit stressed, but nothing compared to how I should be. How I would normally be. So I'm taking that as a victory. Even if the summer has been a wash-out, maybe my 30s are going to be enough to look forward to.

I watch BBC News, and they have a decent amount of coverage of the US primaries. A lot more than I would expect really, considering it's a foreign country and the real elections aren't until November. But whoever becomes President of the US will be able to seriously affect things all over the world (keep that in mind when deciding who to vote for people!), so people are rightly interested.

But in the end, the BBC is British, so the US elections don't make up a huge portion of their coverage. Domestic issues are always going to be more important to people, and even the international coverage is dependent on the views and interest of the nation. So I get the big stories, but not the little day to day items you'll see in the US.

Yet people keep asking me about the elections, wanting to know details. And I find, somehow, that I often have these details to hand. Things that are a huge deal in US coverage, but haven't really been discussed at all in the UK. And do you know how I have those details?

The Daily Show.

Seriously. I watch the Daily Show now more than I did in the US. Partially because it's on at a more convenient time, and partially because it's the only chance I get to see some of this stuff (other than in online news stories, which yes, I do still read).

I can remember during the last election, people commenting that a lot of young people only got their news from the Daily Show, and Jon Stewart finding that a bit ridiculous. But now I find myself in a similar position. Just like I find most of my knowledge of current US pop culture coming from my Best Week Ever podcasts. The best sources in the world? No, but I take what I can get. And it helps me see how perceptions around the world can vary so greatly just with the amount of information available.

Coming home from Paris and immediately coming down with some variation of the stomach flu that required me to stay in bed and moan for two days was not great, not lovely, and not good times. But, you take the good with the bad I suppose. And right now, the bad really outweighs the good.

I mean, the days are getting longer, so it is now light when I leave the house in the morning and when I get home in the evening. I found an awesome chicken recipe and an awesome salmon recipe last week. We went out for drinks and dinner in London on Friday night just because we felt like it. I had a great evening on Saturday hanging out with friends, and another good friend arrived in town today from Australia via Canada. And this weekend didn't involve anything moving related for the first time in ages.

It's spring…it's out there. And even if it's still below freezing every night and I have to wear my hat every day on the walk to the train station, it feels like it won't last forever. Like winter will actually end and things will just generally be more pleasant. And that makes everything better.

Along the way, so much has become familiar that it's hard to separate it in my mind anymore. Like instead of having to convert 24 hour time to 12 hour time before I have any idea what time it is, I'm now thinking in 24 hour time. I don't convert the temperature from C to F anymore, I just have a vague idea of whether it's hot or cold (hint: it's cold). And I can recognize Canadians so clearly simply from their accents that it's scary, whereas before I would have struggled to notice someone wasn't American.

And this evening, I'm catching a train to Paris. I packed a bag for the weekend, I came to work as normal, and after work I'll hop a train to London and then catch EuroStar to Paris. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't like I do this every weekend. Hell, I haven't been to Paris since I was 17. But still, the thought that I can just decide to head off to some city in Europe for the weekend if I feel like it doesn't feel that weird to me anymore.

In a way that's kind of sad, because it means that being here feels less special now. But it feels a lot more like home, which more than makes up for it.

But, um...do you have any idea how hard it is to take a picture of a ring? Listen, my skin is so pale that I blind people if I'm out in direct sunlight. So any picture of the ring on my hand taken with a flash is just a big white blur. And without flash it's a big dark blur. And with Ian's fancy camera that can take pictures of anything? The ring looks lovely, and my hand looks like it belongs to a 75 year old.

So yeah, I'm working on that.

In the meantime...I CAN give you a picture of my favorite thing about the new flat. More than the big refrigerator, more than the spare bathroom, more than the shower that works (ok, maybe not more than that, but still)...having enough room to purchase this just makes me so happy.

Isn't it pretty? I absolutely love it. Ian...was absolutely tired of sofa shopping and didn't absolutely hate it, plus absolutely loved that it was on sale for half price. He'll get used to it.

But I love it. I love it so much that I made the woman in the store call security to chase off the crazy drunk man who was sitting on it drinking a bottle of whisky out of his coat. Honestly, we went and had lunch and came back and he was still there. And I didn't want him getting too comfortable and deciding to buy my couch!

So, there's that. And if you take a trip over to my Flickr page (using the lovely little link thing on the left that I have never updated and is STILL showing the pictures from my Texas going away party...I'm lazy...) I plan on putting my holiday photos up there tonight as well.

By a Canadian.

Soon I won't sound like I belong here and I won't sound like I belong at home, and I'll have to go to a country that I've only actually spent about an hour in to sound like a local. What's that aboot?

I have this issue about friends. In that I think I don't have any. Or that the ones I do have don't really consider me that good a friend and are willing to completely ditch me if things get slightly difficult (I'm glaring at you here Nick). And also that I'm completely incapable of making new friends. You know...because I'm so annoying and hard to deal with and generally unlikeable.

I'm not saying this to be modest...this is genuinely how I see myself.

Now this is something I've dealt with for years, both on my own and in therapy, and I know how to keep it vaguely under control. Mostly by keeping lists and writing down my feelings and setting realistic expectations. But the thing about getting really busy is that you don't have time for that crap. And the thing about getting really run down is that your emotions are raw to begin with. And so basically, for the last month I've been a complete mess. To the point where I couldn't bring myself to get in touch with people when I was home in DC, because I was convinced they would have a horrible time with me and decide not to be my friends anymore (Karen, Christina...so sorry I didn't call).

We moved because Ian's job moved to London. The plus side about this is that now I live really close to work, in a town where a lot of my co-workers live. This should be a good thing. And yet, it's not working out that way. I'm getting upset that I'm not included in things, I'm feeling like everyone hates me, I'm convinced that my life is just horrible.

Seriously, one of the things that upset me today? Two girls I know are having dinner at another girls house tonight. It's possibly a larger group than that. And I wasn't invited. In my head, this is obviously because they hate me. It's not because I don't actually know the girls who is hosting the dinner...it's because I'm a bad person. And even if it is because I don't know the girl, well, the fact that other people who work here know her and I don't just proves that I'm not capable of making friends...and thus I am a bad person.

Then there's the party tomorrow that I wasn't invited to, even though everyone else in the office was invited. The fact that the same guy has invited me to lunch today and drinks this afternoon would indicate to a sane person that he just forgot to include me on the mass email invite for the party. But I'm probably not going to go to the party, because I'm too worried that he actually doesn't want me there, and that my presence will just make everyone hate me more.

Honestly, it can be exhausting feeling this bad about yourself all the time. And I'm exhausted, and it's just making it worse.

So, there's that. I know that I just need to calm down, realize that having lived here for only 2 weeks it's only normal to not be as involved in things as people that have lived here for years, quit worrying about being friends with everyone and just try to be friends with the people I actually like (shocking concept), and let things evolve naturally.

It's just so hard to do that when my head is screaming at me that I'm a horrible person because no one wants to invite me around for a girls night, or because I can't think of anyone that I'd be comfortable having over for dinner without a big crowd of people, or because I hardly keep in touch with any friends from high school, or because I don't even have contact info for my best friend from college anymore.

Logically, I know I'm not a horrible person. It just really doesn't feel that way at the moment. And I really just need a break from it all. Too bad I actually have to work for a living.

Then, when I was in college, I lived in this house. It was a 10 bedroom house that had recently been moved about 100 yards to get it out of the way of a new highway bypass. When I went to sign the house up for cable, I learned that their were cable outlets in the house, but the actual cable to...well, anything outside of the house...had not been installed. So our $100 installation fee paid for the cable company to send over 4 guys and a huge piece of digging equipment. They then spent two days digging a trench and burying a cable which was then hooked up to the house.

It's people like me that keep your installation charges so high. I'm so sorry.

This is my long winded way of saying that the place I moved into? Didn't have a phone line. At all. Because apparently, that's just the way things work here with new builds. And the builder? Apparently he wired the place completely wrong. So getting a phone hooked up involved two guys who replaced wires and phone jacks, before finally realizing they had to deal with the problem at the main connection which is UNDERNEATH OUR PARKING LOT and thus involved some heavy equipment. But eventually, they prevailed.

All of this sums up to why I haven't updated my blog in about a million years. Because I haven't had internet access, and delicious doesn't work at my office, and I couldn't remember the damn url for the update page, and I'm a big slacker. But hey, now I'm a big slacker in a huge 2 bedroom flat with internet! And a 20 minute commute! 10 of which is walking to the train station! And a 30 minute train ride into London...you know, in case I get bored.

So, I'm back. Hope you didn't miss me too much. Stories and pictures are forthcoming. Just don't hold your breath.

This then, was my plan for my step-mother's birthday card. Because it's going to the States, I can't just buy a stamp and send it off, I need to go into the post office. So, I figured I'd run in and do that on Monday. But on Monday I had a meeting that ran through lunch. And on Tuesday I got stuck in a phone call with someone from France. And yesterday I had an all day training course that ran through lunch.

Which brings me to today, when I finally went to town and finally mailed the card. Which doesn't do a damn lot of good considering Kathleen's birthday is today, and no matter how good the Royal Mail might be, it doesn't actually defy the laws of physics.

So, no way the card is getting there on time. But I figured, as much as my dad bugs me for not writing entries enough (hi dad!), surely he'd notice a new one and pass it along to Kathleen!

Happy birthday Kathleen! The check's card's in the mail.

Why? Why start off your literary work, which I’m sure you’ve put a lot of effort into, with someone else’s words? Why make the reader try to decipher what these quotes mean, even though you’ve totally taken them out of context? Why force us to spend pages and pages trying to figure out how those quotes connect to the story and why you bothered to put them there in the first place?

I admit, like book dedications, I tend to skip reading the random quotes page. Because really, I just don’t care. But there’s this book I just finished reading that had five of them. Five pages of random quotes, a few at the beginning of each section. And with that much space devoted to them, I figured they must be important.

But they weren’t. At least, not as far as I could tell. What they were, were excerpts from some rather long and confusing books. About thought experiments, which are by their very nature confusing and hard to understand. And I’m given a few sentences and left to fumble along trying to figure out what they mean.

I gave up. I’ve finished the book, and the quotes still don’t make sense, but at least the rest of the book made some sense. I’m just going to assume the author got paid by the page. It makes as much sense as anything else.

Ladies,
Please make every effort to keep the bathroom clean. It’s not nice for other user’s (and the cleaner) if you don’t.
Thankyou

This sign annoys me. Not just because there isn’t a space in Thankyou and there shouldn’t be an apostrophe in user’s. It annoys me because I’m an adult, as are all of my colleagues and the sign isn’t necessary. And it’s condescending and passive aggressive.

Not as passive aggressive however, as the sign on the door.

Please wash your hands. Other people have to touch the door after you.

If you don’t think your hands are dirty enough to need washing, why are you going to care that other people have to touch the door after you? What effect is this sign even supposed to have? And is it bad that it makes me want to quit washing my hands just to screw with the person that put it up?

And I know who put it up. I’ve been sitting here for 2 days and I’ve seen her clean her desk with antibacterial cleaner 3 times. I’ve heard her complain about the dirty water that the cleaners use to scrub the sinks. I’ve had her turn down a brownie (a FREE brownie) because other people had touched them. So the germ thing is there.

I’ve also seen her watch a colleague throw a bunch of binders and documents he didn’t need anymore away, and once he was finished she started this conversation.

Her: I saw you throw a lot of stuff away.

Him: Yeah, moving is a good chance to clear out.

Her: Yes. Is it heavy?

Him: What?

Her: The stuff you threw out…is it heavy?

Him: I don’t know.

Her: Oh. Because it’s a very small girl that empties the cans. There are wheelie bins over in the corner.

Him: Oh.

Her: I mean, I don’t put anything heavy in the cans, because it’s a very small girl that empties them.

Him: Picks up can and starts walking.

Her: It is heavy, isn’t it?

Me: Punches her in the face…in my mind

Luckily, she’s moving to a new desk next month. And even if she doesn’t, I’m moving to another new desk in January (fun!). But I think I’m going to have to develop some new visualization techniques to get me through.